It's been three months since I was fired from my job as the mascot for the Tampa Bay Rays of Major League baseball. I'm currently unemployed (technically), two years from thirty, and have a well developed hatred of "the real world." You know, the one that is 9-5, kissing ass, selling out, sipping Starbucks, and buying $500 Coach purses. The corporate American dream.
Going to World Series, getting fired, and an upcoming ten year high school reunion has created plenty of opportunities for reflection. Good thing there's not a looming economic meltdown to complicate matters. Buy silver and guns people!
While many have never given their local mascot a second thought, I've been knee deep in the wonderful world of mascots since high school. Becoming a professional mascot was the perfect blend of two of my original career aspirations, Disney Animator or stand up comedian. Since 2D animation died just as I was pursuing a studio art degree, and I'm only moderately funny with a microphone, becoming a mascot was a perfect fit. Instead of drawing cartoons I became one. Rather than telling jokes, I embodied them. A well planned skit, a kick ass video, a subtle belly shake, the crowd roared. It was a million times better than any "job" I could have picked.
When I told people I wanted to be a professional mascot they retorted "well you can't go to college for that." Exactly. Thank god I didn't need college for this. Granted, I did go for 4 1/2 years, with a full ride and two additional scholarships, but I never believed in school. It seemed like a waste of time for a creative individual. I am still convinced that the purpose of college is to get you so indebted that you have no choice but to take whatever job you can right after graduation so you can start paying back your student loans. I have no loans, meaning, I CAN DO WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT! If I want to pursue a career in wearing a shag carpet, I can. And I did. And it is frigging GREAT.
So far I have visited 30 different states, worked a dozen Major League ball parks (plus 2 NBA, 2 NFL, and 2 NHL venues), performed at four all star games (including the last one at Yankee Stadium), worked the 2008 World Series, performed in Japan (twice) and Canada (many times), and more. I've had a ridiculous run as a mascot...but it's come to a screeching, temporary, halt.
After being let go I had to face the terrible "real world." That horrible place where you can't go out drinking every night, can't sleep till noon everyday, and you actually have to show up on time and like, do stuff. Somehow for the past few, well forever, I've managed to not have a job. I just had fun and got a paycheck. No office hours, no management, no accountability. Traveled extensively, spent excessively, and did what I wanted to. Sounds great, doesn't it?
But it wasn't. Too much of a good thing? I guess. Maxing out on the original goal? I think that's it. When your major league debut includes doing shots at a VIP club in Japan with Alex Rodriguez, where do you go from there? How do you top that? Maybe going from the worst team in baseball to the best, all the way to the world series. Un frigging believable.
It's been a hell of a run, and it's not over yet. However, the end feels near. With a herniated disc in my neck, an untreated should-have-been-workers-comp herniated disc in my back, and a resulting throbbing knee, my physical time clock is ticking.
When I was let go, I had a a variety of choices: go back to school and finish a pointless degree thus killing time and having an answer to "what are you doing?" (In school! Bug off!), trying to get a marketing job with an actual company (I have to be on time and can't be hungover? BS!), or continue mascotting. I picked the obvious.
Mascotting baby, yeah!
